"That which is in our reach, is always the last thing we take; and the chances are, that what we can do every day, we never do at all "

L.E. Landon (1802-1838)
English Writer and Poet

 Losing a Home to the Wildfires in California

 

by Beth McCain

We lost our homes in the wildfires of 2003 in Lake Arrowhead. It was a time that we just didn't think we would ever get over. So to see homes burning once again in Lake Arrowhead and San Diego was a déjà vu.

At the time, it was heart wrenching to see everything we had go up in smoke. There was nothing left in the ashes, absolutely nothing, except for a jar of pennies my son was saving but we couldn't tell that they were pennies, as they had all melted into one big heap of copper.

From where all the houses had burned, it looked like a nuclear war had come through. The fire randomly picked and chose which homes to take. Three hundred homes in our neighborhood had burned to the ground yet one house across the street made it completely unscathed, and a few yards up the road a lone wooden playhouse had been spared.

We lost everything. Our thirteen year old family cat, Baby Ruth, perished in the fire. All of our physical memories like photos of ancestors, my great grandma's rocking chair, a violin that had been played by my husband's great great grandfather; all of it gone. Yet in spite of all the destruction, we felt very thankful. Our family was intact.

We lived next door to my parents who had a cute little mother-in-law house. Our daughter could walk to Grandma's every day with it being only twenty yards away. Our homes were deep in the woods of Cedar Glen and even deeper in the stands of trees that were dying from the bark beetle. The unforgiving pest, which had already ravaged forests from Colorado to Alaska, beetle had been attacking Lake Arrowhead and its surrounding communities for years. The result of its ravenous consumption was millions of trees standing like matchsticks ready to fuel a fire unlike anyone could have ever imagined.

In mid October 2003, Lee and I were scheduled for a number of lectures in the Midwest. We decided to take my mom and our then four year old daughter with us to the Colorado dates. Dad and our three teenagers stayed at home.

On our way back from Colorado, our teenage daughter reached us by cell telling us there was a fire up on the mountain. She was concerned. From the tightness in her voice, we knew this was real. The "Big One" everyone on the mountain had feared for so long had arrived.

Lake Arrowhead and the surrounding mountain communities had just two escape routes, and they were inadequate in the best of circumstances. Lee called some colleagues at the newspaper and some friends we knew at the fire department. They related the seriousness of the situation. There were fires everywhere, and some were threatening Big Bear and Cedar Glen. Evacuation was still voluntary, but the firefighters said it would be wise to get out now. We called our kids and Dad and told them to meet us at the bottom of the mountain at a local hotel for the night. No one expected the houses to burn. We assumed we'd be back in our house within a few days. We left food out for Baby Ruth since she was nowhere to be seen, and we commenced our waiting out the fire.

One of the problems when there is a fire is that there are rarely accurate news reports. One report will swear that all the local businesses are totally wiped out, and then moments later another reporter on another channel will be standing right in front of them depicting them as perfectly fine. We didn't get accurate news. The only news that was real was of true videos capturing neighborhoods that burned. We actually saw our homes burning on the television news. We knew at that moment that we were officially without a home.

It took over a week for the fire to be extinguished before we were able to return home. When you lose your home to fire, there is something inside of you that insists you have to see the remains.

When we turned onto our block, we couldn't even tell where one block ended and the next one began. The fire had taken our roads, our cars, and our animals. It had eaten everything and left nothing. The ashes were still warm after a week. It was a moonscape.

While we were there, a woman approached, asking if this had been our home. We nodded but just couldn't speak. She said she owned a rental in Lake Arrowhead and wondered if we would like to live there until we figured out what we were going to do. Amazing. An angel (and many more angels) would come to our aid that day. When we arrived at the rental home, someone we didn't even know had already gone from neighborhood to neighborhood asking if they would be willing to clean out their garages and give us anything we might need. That evening a huge moving van pulled up full of new everything: clothes, dishes, bedding, beds, more than we could have ever needed. Phone calls came from people with gift cards to grocery stores and clothing stores. It was truly incredible, the kindness that was offered us.

FEMA was a gem. Right after the fire they met us at a restaurant parking lot to fill out all the paperwork required to put money in our hands as soon as possible. We expected maybe a week's worth of rent, or maybe some grocery money, but FEMA set us up with funds for everything we lost and additional living money for six months. Again, the kindness and the help was overwhelming.

It can be hard to look at the bright side when something like a fire uproots one's life, but by concentrating on all the good and kindness offered from strangers, and by concentrating on what you do have and what you can rebuild, will reduce some of the sting.

A house is just a thing, possessions are replaceable, and our memories are something we brought with us and we can keep. The wildfires could never steal those from us.

Four years later we have seen firsthand that even out of the darkest time, or impossible situation, that good can still peek through and take the day. We had always wanted to live in Oregon and the 2003 fire gave us the freedom to do that. We are so grateful for our lives and especially grateful for all the people who helped us through such a trying experience.

To those of you who may have lost a home in the wildfires in California, life will get better. It may be hard to believe or understand right now, but in a few years you will see and appreciate the fact that you have made it through. You will appreciate your family all the more and will always hold a special place in your heart for the kindness exhibited by all the volunteers who helped you through this trying time. And one day, when you return to look at the place where your house once stood, in addition to the new signs of life and regrowth sprouting from the ground, you will have the memories that will keep you in good stead. Life always regenerates itself.

Beth McCain is a published author and writer in self improvement as well as humor genres. Beth and her husband, Lee, are instructors and lecturers in applying the Law of Attraction, or better known as the Secret, in your life to attain what you desire. Please visit: http://www.bethandleemccain.com Beth McCain may be contacted at http://www.bethandleemccain.com

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 The Last Kid Has Gone! Now What?

by Diane Randall

It's official! My last kid has "flown the nest." She has left our home in the Midwest to attend college on the west coast. My loss has become southern California's gain. Go figure!

I felt a little anxious and unsettled when she initially told me that she wanted to go to school in California. The nurturing, protecting self said, "No, you need to stay closer to home for at least one year before you go so far away!" But once I gave it some thought, I released my hold and started supporting her choice of schools. After all, I was the one who had prepared my daughter for this day throughout her whole life by taking her on trips, far and near, across the globe. I always wanted my kids to know that there was a great big world out there and that they could go wherever, and be whatever, they wanted.

I flew to the west coast to help her settle in and get a comfort level for what her life would be like in California. It was a very physically draining and stressful event -- for me, that is. It only took a couple of days before my daughter was very relaxed and happy in her new environment. She connected with her new colleagues that she had reached out to months earlier on MySpace.com -- her great idea! Forming a bond with other students ahead of time allowed her to feel at ease and quickly adapt to her new surroundings.

I could have created an opportunity to work on the west coast close to my daughter, but she did not like that idea. It was difficult, but I realized I needed to respect her desire to create a life without my physical presence and input. I resisted the urge to leave her a written checklist of what to do and how to do it, and went back home to my "empty nest," -- where I continued to resist the urge to call her twice a day.

I do not feel a rush of sad emotions, depression, or even a sense of loss. Actually I am very excited for her -- excited at all the possibilities for a wonderful, productive life that she will create for herself. I am also excited for myself, for this next phase of my life where I play more of a supporting role for my children and am no longer involved in the day-to-day details of their lives. Now I have more time and energy to devote towards different areas of my life -- exploring new possibilities, expanding relationships, concentrating on my hobbies and spiritual practices.

A lot has changed since the 1970s when sociologists popularized the term "Empty Nest Syndrome." Since then, the media has made it a popular notion that women experience sadness and loss when their children no longer live with them or need their day-to-day care. And perhaps that's true for some women.

However, according to a study published in 2000, most parents report enjoying greater personal freedom, a reconnection with their mates, and more time to pursue their own goals when their children leave home. What bit of sadness they may feel is overshadowed by joy and pride at seeing their child start down the path toward successful adulthood. Most importantly, the parent/child relationship actually improves for many when their children become independent.

If you too are facing, or are about to be facing, an "empty nest," how can you be sure that you will be one of those parents who actually enjoy the experience, who turn it into something positive? There are five practical steps for you to follow:

Plan in advance

It is no mystery that kids grow up and leave home. So, be proactive about exploring possibilities of what to do when it actually happens. Start making small changes over time prior to their departure -- join a social club or explore local adult Ed classes that you might enjoy. Start a new exercise routine, such as yoga or Pilates. Plan a trip abroad. These actions will lessen the void when your last child moves out. You may find with proactive planning that this will be an exciting time to implement your plans for an independent life and create new beginnings for yourself.

Stay in touch

Being out of the house doesn't mean being out of your life. Cheaper long-distance charges, free e-mail accounts and lower airfares have made it easier to stay in touch. And remember that children today have different means of communicating than you do -- they rarely write letters but prefer e-mail for example. So, if you don't have a computer or don't know how to use it, start learning before they leave.

Reignite your relationships

If you are a single parent, now is the time to extend your circle of friends and create opportunities when it comes to finding a new mate. If you're married, this is a perfect time for you and your mate to rediscover each other. Plan nights out, and make a point to have fun -- dress up, try a new restaurant or new style of dancing.

In addition, create a social calendar by consciously seeking out events where you can connect with like-minded people. Most newspapers are chock-full of advertisements for social events of all types, and some are even tailored to single parents and "empty nesters."

If you're single and not necessarily looking for a new mate, don't let that stop you from going out and socializing; and if you are looking, don't put pressure on yourself to find someone immediately. The key is to take time to develop and extend a variety of relationships, which will lessen any feelings of loneliness when your last kid leaves home.

Practice extreme self-care

No more excuses! Make yourself number one as a priority; spend your time and energy maximizing your health and wellness. Try mind-body exercises, such as breathing, meditation and yoga. Be physically active everyday and get plenty of rest. Take time to nourish your body with a massage, which releases tension, revitalizes energy, and helps you increase vitality.

Fill the empty space with things you love

Do you long to revive a passion or hobby from your youth that you never found time to pursue? Is it music, a sport, writing, cooking, entrepreneurship? It doesn't matter, as long as it's something you truly have a desire to do. If you've already got a clear picture of what you'd like to pursue, then identify small, achievable ways you can start incorporating them into your life. Ask yourself what's not working and what you want to change. Use this time to reflect on your life. If you don't know what you want to do, try volunteering as a way to develop new interests.

By incorporating these five points, the time when your kids leave home will not be a declining, lonely phase of life but will be a time that you can embrace and enjoy. You will then progress through entirely new passages into lives of deeper meaning, renewed playfulness, and stronger relationships with friends.

Diane Randall, Certified Wellness Coach, Writer and Author of Wellness Now! Your 90-Day Plan to Bring Value, Purpose and Wellness to Your Life. She presents workshops and speaks on Wellness, Lifestyle and Career Transition. Diane Randall may be contacted at http://www.LifeAccelerated.com or Diane@LifeAccelerated.com

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    10 Thanksgiving Quotes to Celebrate The True Meaning of Thanksgiving

by Noel Jameson

Ready for some Thanksgiving quotes? I don't mean the "I'm thankful for my Nintendo Wii" or the "I'm thankful for my new car" quotes that we hear all too often lately. I mean some real Thanksgiving quotes that remind us of what we really have to be thankful for. Here are 10 Thanksgiving quotes to celebrate and ponder.

1. "The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving." ~ H.U. Westermayer

2. "Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow." ~ Edward Sandford Martin

3. "There is one day that is ours. There is one day when all we Americans who are not self-made go back to the old home to eat saleratus biscuits and marvel how much nearer to the porch the old pump looks than it used to. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American." ~ O. Henry

4. "You say, 'If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied.' You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled." ~ Charles Haddon Spurgeon

5. "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." ~ John Fitzgerald Kennedy

6. "We would worry less if we praised more. Thanksgiving is the enemy of discontent and dissatisfaction." ~ Harry A. Ironside

7. "It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing happening on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the institution seems to be thankful 'in general.' It's very strange. It's a little like being married in general." ~ Cornelius Plantinga, Jr.

8. "It is literally true, as the thankless say, that they have nothing to be thankful for. He who sits by the fire, thankless for the fire, is just as if he had no fire. Nothing is possessed save in appreciation, of which thankfulness is the indispensable ingredient. But a thankful heart hath a continual feast." ~ W. J. Cameron

9. "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others." ~ Cicero

10. "Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men, but be careful that you do not take the day and leave out the gratitude." ~ E.P. Powell

This Thanksgiving Day, let's remember what we truly have to be thankful for. Let's take a good, hard look around us and realize that while we may not have everything we want, what we want is not always what we need. Let these ten Thanksgiving quotes remind you of the true meaning of this great American holiday as you celebrate with friends and family.

For more holiday quotes, check out Famous-Quotes-And-Quotations.com, a website that specializes in 'Top 10' lists of quotations in dozens of categories. Noel Jameson may be contacted at http://www.famous-quotes-and-quotations.com or noeljameson@gmail.com

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