Simple Loving - by Janet Luhrs
Note from TotallySavvyWoman:
For reasons we don’t understand, this great book is out of print now, but you can purchase it either new or used from Amazon sellers. I hesitated to review it, considering that some of you might not be able to get a copy, but I feel it’s such an important relationship book that I just had to tell you about it. Go to Amazon right away if you want to be sure and get a copy.
This is one of my favorite books on intimate relationship advice, despite the fact that the author is not a therapist and consequently not really qualified, at least not in an official capacity, to give relationship advice.
The book came to be as a result of the author’s personal search for what makes intimate relationships last. Coming from a journalist background is no doubt what prompted her to go right to the source for her information, rather than to therapists, PhD’s, and psychiatrists.
Consequently, instead of professional advice from a therapist, we get advice directly from “the trenches,” from couples who actually live successful long-term relationships.
The advice is real stuff practiced every day by real couples, instead of theory not really proven in real time. Works for me.
The whole is presented to you through the author’s superb writing and thoughtful formatting, which includes the interviewed couples’ own words, side stories, and poems.
It’s one of those books in which you lose yourself and feel spoiled by all the goodies you find within.
You’ve met at least one couple like the ones depicted here. You know, the couples you feel drawn to because they emanate a certain pleasant something or other you can’t quite define – you just know you want to be around them. Their energy shines on everyone around them. I’ve known few couples like these personally. Too few. If we all went about our personal relationships the way they do, however, we’d all know a lot more couples like them and the divorce rate would no doubt drop to zilch.
When the author, Janet Luhrs, better known for her best-seller, Simple Living Guide, decided to research intimate relationships, she knew right away where to start.
She’d noticed while she researched and wrote Simple Living Guide, that many of the couples she met seemed closer and more loving towards one another than most other couples she knew. So, she went back to them.
The main point, which you’ll keep coming across, is that the key is to first love your partner authentically, and that authentic love is simple love.
You’ll learn that loving authentically goes beyond simply liking the same things and having the same hobbies. It means to know yourself at the core, and be willing to allow your partner see that real you, while your partner does the same in return.
It means you make an unbreakable commitment to your partner, but also a separate commitment to the relationship itself, as though there are three of you involved in the commitment: you, your partner, and your relationship.
It means each of you accepts the other exactly as is, and you don’t withdraw love when your partner exhibits a part of himself or herself that you like less than other parts.
I’m simplifying here of course, but you get the idea.
In the words of the author, “If we allow it, life becomes the teacher, love is the subject, and long-term intimate relationship is the authenticity boot camp.”
In other words, your relationship becomes the ultimate course in learning to know and love yourself and your partner just as you are.
Read On!
Silvianne T. Steinbach ;~)
Easy read, lots of tips for sustaining relationships, July 18, 2000 
A Handbook for Better Relationships, July 16, 2000 